My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
