i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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