I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
