I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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