Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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