Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
where am i from again
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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