First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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