if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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