I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize