it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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