Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
