So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
