This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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