i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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