my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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