haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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