Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
