Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
