I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
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hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
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P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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