There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
