So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
