Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
