onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
