Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
