Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
