I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
