I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
