I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
