The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
