is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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