Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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