ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
