i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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