How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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