I skipped work to stalk him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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