Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
