I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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