True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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