So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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