Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
