dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
