Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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