It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
