I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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