it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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