Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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