Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
