I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
