the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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