I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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