dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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