Yo dont text me then not text me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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