I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
