hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
