I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
