It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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