This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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