Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
