Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
