I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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