So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
