i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
