Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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